Daily Blog #1- Asperger’s, my Husband and Me

Ok, I have a feeling of foresight that this will not last for long. Perhaps it’s because I haven’t blogged much in the last few months and now I have a burning desire to write lot’s of posts? I don’t know, but I want to start up daily blog posts. 

Now with working full time in retail, at this time of year is very busy and my days can be long. So how I will fit this in will be the challenge. So here’s an disclaimer that my posts may be short at times, but I want to at least give it a go.

So my topic for today is discussing Autism and in particular Asperger’s. If you know me, you may be aware my Husband Dan has Asperger’s. If you’re not familiar what this is, please take a look at the National Autistic Societies website that will give you further explanation.

The reason this is so relevant right now is thanks to Anne Hegerty openly talking about her life with Asperger’s on I’m a Celeb…Get me out of here. It is great to see a female discussing it on prime time TV as it helps break the stigma and educates people on Autism.

Just your average couple!

Dan was diagnosed himself only 3 years at the age of 37. Since then life has carried on as normal, only I can more fully appreciate what Dan experiences in his every day life. That’s not to say I didn’t before, but now I know this is why he does things in a certain way, I can read about it to help me help him when he finds situations overwhelming.

Just some of Dan’s books!

I’m open to my work colleagues about Dan and Asperger’s and a colleague only recently said to me that they wouldn’t know that Dan had autism as he comes across well with eye contact and engaging in conversations. This is credit to Dan learning and developing his social skills over the years, with his obsession (he won’t mind me putting that!) with hypnosis and psychology. He has read what I’m sure is in the 1000’s of books on the topics and watched numerous videos to equip himself with these social ‘norms’. 

DJ speaking to a DJ!

Dan was only today on BBC Sussex radio discussing with Radio Show DJ Danny Pike how Dan finds life with Asperger’s and his journey on being diagnosed. It was a great section of the show if I say so myself and you can have a listen here. Skip through to 2 hours 38 mins in to hear Dan.

Also Chat magazine are also in the process of writing an article about my relationship with a partner with Asperger’s. I’m not sure when this will go out, but I’ll keep you posted.

A common misunderstanding about a person who has Asperger’s is that they do not often show any sign of emotion. And whilst this might be true in parts and I’m not very aware of others, but Dan does indeed show how he is feeling. Dan is a very attentive and thoughtful husband. He makes me dinner when I’ve been working a long day, he will walk with me to work in the morning (so he can go to the supermarket cafe after to do some laptop work), he’ll buy me a book of my favourite author if it is new out, we always celebrate our anniversaries, he will book for us to stay in nice hotels (for example he has booked for us to have a weekend in Bournemouth next month in a lovely hotel), he will patiently wait for me when I go shopping (and not moan about it!), he will make me drinks when I ask, basically he treats me very well. He offers me blunt but constructive advise when I need it. He will support me when I’m going through a hard time (like for example work or family matters). He will watch my fav films with me (and cry if I cry at the sad bits). He really is an incredible husband.

But I don’t want to delude you into thinking all is rosey as he does get stressed at things that seem quite minor to others  for example like his laptop doing constant updates, having to answer the phone, having his plans changed, waiting on people who do not make 100% firm commitments, if a server in the restaurant keeps asking him questions, when I tidy up and I move his things to a new (tidier) location, if the microwave or washing machine beeps when it’s completed it’s task, if people outside are leaf blowing and he’s trying to work and if we have a petty squabble, he will feel the need to walk away and think that’s the end of our relationship. There’s no grey areas.

And by contrast I’m not saying I’m a perfect neurotypical person. I myself have a short attention span, get bored easily, get annoyed and angry when there is injustice and inequality happening to myself or Dan. I like Dan don’t like busy, bustling places. Places like London are only visited on short term basis only. I have abandonment issues and have suffered with medically diagnosed stress in the my recent past. So I think we balance each other out well!

So with Autism being more searched for, I think that’s great. It helps teach those who want to understand it more and helps those who are Autistic want to seek support.

Anyway digressing from Autism, back to the here and now. I am hoping to go to bed real soon, as it’s Black Friday tomorrow, and for those in Retail, it’s expected to be one busy day. So I need to get some rest so I can face tomorrow with a smile rather than a grimace!

Thanks for reading my post and I hope to be back tomorrow evening with an update on Black Friday.


Abbie xxx

P.S. You can read about Dan’s recent post on being on the radio here. 

P.P.S. You can also purchase Dan’s highly praised auto-biography ‘Asperger’s, Hypnosis and Me’ on Amazon here.

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