22 May 2016

To travel or not to travel

In Poland. I think I look worse than I was feeling,
but I wasn't feeling in my comfort zone by any means
.

I thought I would centre this post around a topic that is a bit personal. Yeah I can write posts about make up and the like, but sometimes I want to get a bit deeper and show there's more to me than just cute and fluffy stuff (well actually I'll let you make your own mind up on that!).

So what I wanted to discuss isn't particularly a heavy topic, but it does at times impinge on my life and the decisions I make. As you may of gathered if you have been following my blog, I'm not of the travelling or being away from home type. I'm a home girl, preferring my creature comforts and familiar surroundings rather than being in an new and uncharted territory.

What has brought this home to me recently is that my sister has gone travelling for two months across Russia, Mongolia and in June to Thailand and Mount Everest Base Camp. She has gone with a good friend and is having a fantastic time by all accounts. The photo's and blog she has been updating show amazing places I doubt I'll ever visit first hand. She's an seasoned traveller and relishes in sleeping in a yhurt in the middle of outer Mongolia!

I have visited Poland in recent years. Short flight but still not
 easy for someone who is an anxious flyer.
I can be away from home on a leisure break in the UK if it isn't too far away and not for too long, say three nights, but beyond that I get homesick and feel anxious being away from the security of my home. I suppose you would say this is an insecurity issue mixed with general anxiety.

When I was about 11 years old I stayed in Normandy in France with two of my school friends as part of an school exchange trip. We knew little French, if any and stayed with a lovely, but still unfamiliar family in what felt like the middle of nowhere. In hindsight the trip went quite smoothly if you go by the itinerary that was set, but what made it not much fun for me was that I was terribly homesick. This was the the first time I had been away from home without a parent or family member with me. Also the two school friends buddied up together and whilst they were still nice to me, the saying goes 'three's a crowd'.
I found the most exciting part of the trip was going on a coach and ferry on the way there and then returning on the way back. I suppose that's to be expected at that age, but I think it embedded a seed of anxiety about being away from home.



Fast forward to now and being a grown adult (if you can call me that) I still don't relish the prospect of being away from home for long or too far. This does make this difficult when it come's to booking holidays as I refuse to fly. Ugh, the thought just turns my stomach. So that leaves boat (still not an amazing concept) or sticking to Staycations.

For example for my honey moon, we never went abroad like most newly weds do. We stayed in a hotel in Bournemouth (which was lucky actually as I had my period that day so was mega emotional, add to the fact that all the build up to the wedding hit me, I wasn't in a good state).
Obviously travelling is not for everyone. I like to think I'm not unique in my experiences and thinking. But it does limit what and where I go with my life.

I have been to Dubai twice in the last 9 years, which was an accomplishment in it's self. Whilst I did enjoy myself and got to see some iconic landmarks up close, I did feel quite home sick on the second day of our first trip there.
There are a number of facts that prey on my mind when contemplating going away especially abroad. For example as previously stated there is the flying aspect and the whole process that involves, then there's fear of the unknown, then the worry of what if something goes wrong, if or whoever I'm with feels ill, I don't like where we are staying, if I get anxiety being away, I mean I could go on.

Dubai at night :)
No we weren't shrunk! Distorted mirrors in a mall in Dubai!

Low resolution  photo from my mobile back in 2008. An elephant ornament inside mall in Dubai.

Reading this back to myself I can see how my internal beliefs are holding me back and stopping me from seeing and doing things I can only dream of having the confidence to do. And some would also say what a first world issue to have. And perhaps they would be right.
But still I can't see myself ever sending a post card from anywhere further afield than the next county.

I think with age and hearing more in the media about disasters trips my anxieties about going away just build and build. Which is such a shame I let myself think like this.
I'm not an overly confident person in new places as you will have gathered so it takes a lot for me to build the confidence to pack up my stuff and head off.

Luckily I normally have my fantastic husband with me to help me out if we go away, but still unless you are in my shoes it's hard to see my prospective.
I'm not looking for sympathy btw, just to be open and honest about how I feel with this particular topic in the slightest vain it might resonate with someone else and perhaps makes them feel they are not alone.

I also don't want to appear overly negative about this. I think the way to look positive is to take baby steps (even at my age!) and go to where I feel more at ease to build up my confidence. Though I'm sure some of you are saying just take a leap of faith! However I deal with this I'm sure to keep you posted.

Either way this is a battle if you will that I'm working on and who know's you might have a photo of me on a beach having a cheeky cocktail in the future! (And I don't mean Bournemouth beach!).

Right I'm off to find some photo's for this post!
Hope you enjoyed my little heart to heart.

Lot's of love,

Abbie xxx





2 comments:

  1. I totally relate to the homesick feeling,even when just having a week away in the UK.When i went to Dublin for the weekend,i caught the ferry back the next day.I couldn't cope with the unfamiliarity of it all,that was a few years ago now and im about to go aboard!Really scared,anxiety is sky high and im not wanting to go anymore!How did you feel on the plane?x

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    1. Hi, I felt anxious on the plane, but it was manageable. Going to Poland it was a two hour flight so I got through it. Since then there has been lots in the media of flights not ending or going well, so that has a completely put me off flying.
      I'm not much better with trains long distance or boats. It's the feeling of being out of control and trapped. Also I need to feel safe in my new surroundings otherwise I feel out of my comfort zone.
      My older sister is the complete opposite. Last summer she spent 6 weeks travelling across Russia and Mongolia with her good friend inter-railling. Not something I would want to do.
      I have a trip to Paris in April going by EuroStar. But that fills me with fear as I don't like being underground and going on a fast train. I'm such a wuss!
      Thanks for reading and if you get on that flight you have my utmost respect!
      Abbie :) xx

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