2 Feb 2016

To write or not to write?

Photo copyright free from Pixabay
What do you want to be when you are older? A question no doubt you have been asked many a time throughout your life. And the answer? Well, some instantly know straight away; a singer, maybe a gymnast, maybe a scientist. For me it was always answered with a blank stare and a scratching of the head. Because at the grand old age of 31, I'm still trying to find an answer to that question.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with my chosen career path. Retail is a fast paced, constantly evolving and rewarding environment. Much suited to my skills and qualities. But is this where I saw myself 15 years ago? Maybe, or possibly maybe not.
Ever since I could write, I was writing stories, mostly around a girl called Lucy (no idea why!) and it was a great opportunity to let my imagination run wild. At about 8 years old one of my favourite, if not my favourite lesson was creative writing. I remember writing a story of Lucy going on a double decker bus for the first time and finding it most exciting (clearly my sense of adventure was lacking!). But still, I really enjoyed the freedom to craft a story straight out of my head.
And the passion stayed with me throughout my teens and even up to today.
As a teen my writing lead me to write fan fiction about myself, my friends and my favourite boybands. And remember this was before the days of the internet (or at least the very beginnings) I didn't know fan fiction was a thing. I thought it was some random thing I did to indulge my teenage dreams.
I still have a copy of one of those stories. I didn't finish it. Which is the same for every story I have attempted. I start off with great idea's, but then I start to struggle with how the story will develop and they tend to not see the light of day again. That's why I admire the authors, or any authors for the matter, that they have achieved the ultimate goal, of completing a book (sure deadline's prob have something to do with it!).

One of the many stories I started

The stories I normally attempt are chick lit style, with a typical female lead and her trials and tribulations through her life. Though I did attempt a more grittier story once. I went through a phase of reading James Patterson novels (crime writer amongst others) and wrote the beginnings of  a story evolving around an American police officer and an evolving crime. But the best bit of writing I did was something where I didn't know what I was going to write, I just let the idea's follow and it was set in a dark and dingy area of an American town, with an crook as the first character I introduced. What I liked (without blowing my own trumpet) was the detail I went into to set the scene and the dialogue of the characters. Though fate (if you believe in it) had over idea's and after a fire in my bedroom (sure I'll explain more at a later date) where the story was saved onto my computer and was lost in the fire. Still no lives were lost with the fire I am grateful the loss was only materialistic.

Further on from that I started a story surrounding a male, chauvinistic character, rather ego driven, a ladies man called Nicholas Patrick, and I got a few pages in, and I was developing his character to have a change of heart (not literally!) and become more charming and gentlemanly. But it suffered the same fate as all my previous stories, and never became more than that.

Fast forward a few years and the rise of the chick lit books really take off, with Paige Toon, Lindsey Kelk and Marian Keyes leading the way. Inspired to try to write my own, I spent several months trying to formulate a story and to write it, but I had real writers block. I remember googling different ways to come up with stories, but everything felt unoriginal, like it had been done a thousand times before. And I eventually attempted to start a story but my heart wasn't in it and again it become nothing more that a few typed pages on my computer. But it's still there, so you never know, I may just come back to it one day!

And now I have my blog. Yes, it maybe fact rather then fiction, but it's writing. It's tapping into my passion for being creative and formulating sentences and paragraphs that I hope inspire and entertain the reader. So when I'm asked, 'What do I want to be when I'm older?', I still have that blank expression and it's the eternal question I always ask myself, hoping the answer will suddenly slap me right in the face.

I have much respect for those who know from a young age what they want to do and set out to achieve it and make a successful career of their chosen ambition. Perhaps it's a lack of self confidence on my part, or not being particularly talented at anything that has stopped me from becoming super successful. But then my ambitions have always been low key and much kudos to anyone who shots for the stars, when I'm shooting for the clouds!

Right now, I'm working in a job that fulfils my passion for making people happy and delivering projects and my blog is an added layer on top of that. Maybe one day I'll find the answer but for now I'm enjoying the ride!

Thanks for reading:)

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